What do I want??

That is perhaps the hardest question to answer. The reason for that is because at every turn, one must weigh every choice on the balances of truth and untruth.

The truth, is that foundation upon which my manifold personalities serve me as means for survival. The sole truth, is that sense of self that makes me feel as first among seconds. And nothing but the truth, is that my self thinks that it is more valuable than all.

Boom! There it is. The truth YOU always try to deny!

But how can you properly ask what it is that you truly want, if you do not come to the realization and validation of your true self? The truth sets you free so that you can freely pick what you desire.

What do I want? Really?

I wish I could say that I desire the woman- that ideal goddess imprinted on my psyche, but I desire goodness more than lust. I wish I could say that I desire money, but truth is that I love simplicity. I wish I could say that I desire vengeance upon my enemies, but truth is that I truly desire to forgive them. I wish I could say that I hate them, but truth is that I love them.

What do I want? Really…

I want a beach I can walk on and a smile on my wife’s face. I want to smell the ocean early in the morning and pray, kneeling on the sand. I want to go for long walks with her on the boardwalk- talking endlessly about God, as she lovingly listens to my rhetoric. I want to sit on a gray cold day- listening to the sea gulls hovering above me.

I want a hot summer day with a clear blue sky, filled with bright-sunny rays. I want to lay on the sand with her, sunglasses on and a radio playing 80’s for the day.

What do I want? Really?

I want my life to have meaning. I want my life to be remembered. I want to know that I did something worth finding.