Regardless of the years in black clericals, nothing had prepared me for that hot and muggy day.
My daughter dried my nervous forehead with a sweat-drenched handkerchief, as we traveled on a train that would drop us off just a few blocks away from the Bhakti Center in NYC.
Just a week before I had found out that His Holiness Radhanath Swami (a direct disciple of Srila Prabhupada) was going to be leading a Sankirtan on the following Thursday…
When I called to see if His Holiness would see me I didn’t expect for anyone to take me seriously… but when his disciples heard that I was a Lutheran Pastor, they treated me as a bonafide ambassador of Lord Jesus Christ- with great deference and love.
The cabin lights flickered as the subway train squealed feverishly while turning underground. For a moment, the urine-smelling train seemed to scream in the dark while Marisa held my sweaty palm tightly.
A voice resonated in my mind… “What are you doing Juan? Do you realize the trouble you’re getting into? Do you realize that when people find out what you’re doing, that they will call you an apostate for meeting with a Hindu Guru?”
Beware… the voice of Satan oftentimes comes in the guise of rational orthodoxy.
I was heartbroken… I had dedicated four years of my life into trying to revitalize a spiritually dead congregation located smack in the middle of a neighborhood overtaken by drugs, alcoholism and homelessness.
Things were just crumbling all around me and I was burnt out… but the mortal blow happened when some of the people I loved and protected the most, left the church, rather than working through our differences in prayerful conversation. I still love them very much, and hope that in their turning from me, they turned to Christ wholeheartedly.
When we arrived at the Bhakti Center, Marisa and I were received like ambassadors of Christ by the Cafe’s staff. A senior monk called Sundarnath Das came downstairs to receive me with loving reverence. He apologized on behalf of our beloved Guru for not feeling well, but assured me that if I stayed until the evening, that he would meet with us.
Little did I know that sitting just a few tables away was also a well known Hare Krishna Guru called Dhanurdhara Swami. When Brother Sundar introduced me to His Holiness, he immediately leaped up from his seat and exclaimed: “Oh, an ally!” We all laughed at his sense of humor…but deep down inside I felt sad as I pondered on how many Christian Pastors had treated the smiling guru with deprecation and condemnation.
He thought I was there simply being an ambassador of Christ. But the reality was that I wanted to experience the brotherly love and fellowship that I read about in the Bible for so many years, but never experienced in the churches.
I had never eaten authentic Indian food before… so when Sundar invited us to eat some Prassad I immediately said “YES!” with great enthusiasm. I think brother Sundar could tell that I was distracted by the succulent aromas that filled the restaurant’s air.
Before long, Maharaj Radhanath came out of his room and was ready to meet with me.
When I saw him I didn’t know what to do… so I followed my heart, took hold of his hands and kissed them. To my surprise, he reverently kissed my hands as well! Who was I for such a great religious leader to kiss the hands of a failed and rejected Pastor as myself?
The gentle and fragile Swami invited my daughter and I to sit on the couch with him. As we sat together, a thousand questions flooded my mind. But instead of us engaging in conversation, we simply exchanged a few words and sat there…silently.
It was as if the gentle Swami knew I had been engaged in spiritual warfare for years, and that I just needed a break. He wanted to enjoy the essence of my presence, rather than to be engaged in small talk.
That evening, the gentle Swami led a powerful Kirtan… but before the lecture, he introduced me as his friend.
That night, everyone sent my daughter and I off with garlands hanging from our necks and bags of food for us to eat on the way. We were even walked out by some of the devotees that were there..as if we were VIP’s!
It had been years since I had seen such great love for the Creator and such mystic enthusiasm during worship. I longed for so long to see Christians love God and one another in the same manner…
“We have the Truth,” I told myself a few days later, “so why is our devotion to God so lacking?” In the midst of my loneliness and mourning for those who abandoned me, I struggled daily with the question as to why the Christian Church lacked the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, etc.) while the Hare Krishnas seemed to possess them.
If the Hare Krishnas were demonic and we were God’s true children, why aren’t we ecstatic about Christ’s resurrection? Why didn’t we call on the Name of the Lord night and day with joy? Why were our churches so divided? Why were our Pastors treated with such disrespect and deprecation? If we were true Christians, why then did we live contrary to the teachings of Christ, and the Hare Krishnas so close to them?
Didn’t Lord Jesus Christ teach that “you shall know a tree by its fruit?” (Matthew 7:16)
At the end of that summer, I was captivated by the sun’s rays, mixed with the cool air and the first leaves changing color. While listening to an ecstatic Kirtan of Aindra Dasa, I almost converted to Krishna.
It wasn’t Christ that I was leaving… it was the Church I could no longer stand.
Just a few days before I had told my wife that wherever God took me, that I would cross my thumbs whenever praying with palms together.
I wanted more than anything in this world to be in the company of God-lovers. I was tired of the petty politics that are played in most churches. I was tired with the egocentric goals of church-growth. I was tired of hearing the myriad of excuses that Christians give for not reading the Scriptures. I was tired of the lack of passionate love for God.
I was tired of praying alone. Of worshiping alone. Of fasting alone. Of dreaming alone… I was tired of loving God, alone.
As I listened to Aindra’s powerful Kirtan, I began to be carried away into ecstasy. I longed for God’s essence so much, that I came to the point of not caring about the external qualities of religion. I loved God–and I wanted for Him to know that I loved Him.
As the chanting through my headset increased in ecstatic fervor, a sudden burst of devotional love and joy jolted through my body. I wasn’t sluggishly walking anymore. I was dancing on the street while cars were passing me by.
I felt the power of the Hare Krishna Mahamantra…
HARE KRISHNA HARE KRISHNA, KRISHNA KRISHNA, HARE HARE. HARE RAMA, HARE RAMA, RAMA RAMA, HARE HARE!
As I was being carried away by the ecstasy of the Mahamantra and the conch blasts of the devotees, my arms began to rise up slowly… I was ready to surrender to Krishna.
And just when I was about to explode with a resounding “HARE KRISHNA!” the vision before me brought everything to a halt.
The Mahamantra was still being chanted…the conch blasts were still resounding…Aindra was still singing in ecstasy… but everything in me came to a halt, like a speeding car hitting a tree.
When I had opened my eyes towards the heavens in order to surrender to the power of the Mahamantra, suddenly a burst of wind blasted through the clouds. There above me was a Cross in the form of an X , like when one’s thumbs are crossed when praying. Not only was the Cross before me, but also a heavenly face as if concentrating in order to form the Cross.
I fell to my knees in silence…in wonderment…
Just when I was about to surrender to Krishna, Christ appeared to me in the clouds of heaven.
I knew at that moment that Christ was interceding on my behalf so that I would not leave the Church. I understood that my sufferings for the Church were not in vain and that God had a greater purpose for my plight.
Through the Hare Krishnas, God exposed me to the method of singing the Names of God found throughout the whole Bible, beginning with Genesis 4:26.
If Christians spent more time calling out to God in devotional service, the Name of Lord Jesus would heal our nasty divisions, our love for Lord Jesus would increase, and perhaps, we would speed up His return. (2 Peter 3:12)
The Bible says that whoever calls on the Name of Jesus would be saved. (Romans 10:9-10) If the Church is in need of saving, then shouldn’t we be calling on the Name?
When our love for Lord Jesus increases, our love for the devotees will increase, and the world will know that we are Christ’s disciples… not by our dogmatic voracity, but by our true love for one another. (John 13:35)
At the corner of Krishna and Christ…
ALLELUIA ALLELUIA YEHOSHUA ALLELUIA; YEHOSHUA YEHOSHUA ALLELUIA ALLELUIA.
I will always hold my Hare Krishna brothers close to my heart as an example of pure devotion to the essence of the God Most High and for teaching me the art of timeless worship.
Oh my dear brother. I’m in full blown tears right now reading this. This speaks to my own heart and journey so very deeply. Before coming to Christ, The Mahamantra was a regular devotional practice for me and I delighted in the deep devotional culture of the Hare Krishna Movement and similar esoteric branches of many religions. That mantra got me through 15 hours of natural childbirth and so many other devastating periods of my life. And I know deep in my heart and soul, that all the time I spent singing out to God in various ways, He never changed. I know where my focus was always pointed to. It’s always been the One whom I worshiped. And my longing for Him has always been so deep that I’ve walked through most of my life heartbroken at the lack of that deep ecstatic type of worship in our culture, much like you have. I thought I was the crazy one until I discovered kirtan and started studying Eastern religions. But God had a plan for me, just as He has for you. He meets us where we’re at, with what we have and what we know already and if we can just manage to shut ourselves up for a moment and listen, He gives us all the answers we need to be near to Him always. I don’t think people give Him nearly enough credit for His wildness and immensity. We WAY underestimate how BIG our God is. May our sweet and merciful Lord ever bless your life and continue to guide you on this WILD path that you’re on! It’s a hard road my friend, and a narrow one. We both know that. But we’re both starting to see that we do have brothers and sisters who strive beyond all else to make their lives a living sacrifice of devotional service to the ONE. Alleluia!
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Alleluia!!!!! Thank you my sister for such a delightful sharing. The world is ready for a true movement of spiritual renewal within the Church. It is humbling to come to the realization that God truly doesn’t make exception of persons, and that He truly reveals Himself to those who earnestly seek Him. I believe that your life-long journey has a been a preparation for this Yeshua Movement. May God bless us as we spread the Good News of God’s Salvation to the whole world. The Hope of the Nations has come! Alleluia!!!
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Reblogged this on The Christian Nation.
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Jesus Christ was an Avatar of Ayyappa…
http://karma-dharma-bhutadaya.blogspot.com/2017/05/the-true-identity-of-jesus-revealed.html
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Dear Jeffrey, it is absolutely wrong for any religion to impose its own interpretations upon another, especially those religions that are disciplic. Lord Jesus Christ is the LOGOS of God- by whom the whole of creation was made, and in whom all things hold together. Lord Jesus is the Image of the Invisible God- the Son of God, the One in whom the old creation passed away, and the new one has come to being. God bless you- and may you come to know the true Lord Jesus Christ.
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“We have the Truth… so why is our devotion to God so lacking?” Ah, you’ve echoed my thoughts here! I often see the Krishna devotees in London, dancing in the streets, selling Prabhupada’s books, offering prasadam… and I wonder why they are doing these things and we aren’t??? I think of Prabhupada himself – an old man, 69 years old, boarding a cargo ship with only a suitcase, an umbrella, and a case of books. During the voyage, he suffered two heart attacks. And yet, he continued out of his love for his God. He spent his first few nights in America sleeping on a stranger’s sofa, spent his first few years living amongst drug addicts in the Bowery. And yet, in a very short period of time, he had devotees chanting & preaching all around the world! We have the Truth, so why aren’t we doing these things??? Is it maybe because the modern western church produces church members instead of disciples and devotees? Whatever the reason, we have a lot to learn about devotion to God!
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“Is it maybe because the modern western church produces church members instead of disciples and devotees?”
I think you hit the nail square on its head! Yes, it is because the denominations are not in the business of making disciples of Lord Jesus…We make church members because it is easier for our denominational agenda$.
Join me brother in praising God and serving Him with our whole heart, soul and strength! Alleluia!
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This post has been going round and round in my head and heart ever since I read it last month. You expressed something that resonates so deeply within me: “I wanted more than anything in this world to be in the company of God-lovers. … I was tired of praying alone. Of worshiping alone. Of fasting alone. Of dreaming alone… I was tired of loving God, alone.” Yes! That is what I feel too. And I believe others feel this as well. May we become more like our Hare Krishna sisters and brothers, and become TRUE devotees of Lord Jesus!!!
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Thank you Craig! One day soon, Christians from every corner will gather together to sing the holy Name of Yeshua and focusing on the lover of our souls, rather than on our individual opinions. One day the Master will return and answer all our questions. In the meantime, the Master desires for us to fulfill His command to love one another so that the world will know that we are His disciples! John 13:35.
Please stay in touch and pray for me often. My public FB page is: /PastorJuanCRivera
There you will encounter a crude outline for a small book titled: “Esoteric Notes by a Christian Madman.”
In that article I use the language and theological imagery that I feel is needed in order to transcend the stranglehold of scholasticism.
Dear friend…stay in touch!
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I am going to make it a point to pray for Radhanath Swami’s salvation through Jesus. He is a gentle man who speaks so much simple truth. Followers of Jesus could really use someone like him. But ultimately, I fear he is lost. I would very much like to see Radhanath Swami in Heaven one day. I pray that he will be fully open to the saving power of the blood of Jesus. And I hope he will be used by Jesus as a powerful man of God to reach others for Him.
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My dear brother- please pray for my salvation as well since I am in need of it every day. I am sure that my friend HH Radhanath Swami and my sincere devotee-friends will enter the Kingdom of God. This is their desire. The Scriptures clearly teach that God does not despise a humble and contrite heart. (Ps. 51:17) Lord Jesus promised that whosoever gives a little child a cup of cold water simply for being a disciple of Christ, that certainly they shall receive their reward. (Matthew 10:42) The Hare Krishnas our a special Nation of God who love and appreciate Sri Yesu. It is a privilege to be called by one’s Guru to follow him (John 15:16). There is no doubt in my mind that HH Radhanath Swami is in the process of salvation, as I am. And if the Lord can have mercy on Christians who live in the modes of passion and ignorance, how much more for HH Radhanath Swami, who seeks after God day and night and who lives solely for the purpose of returning to Godhead!
Lets follow Christ wholeheartedly- with all our might…and leave the salvation of others to God. It is Christ who calls His disciples- and He does so by our love for one another. (John 13:35)
You’re on the right track dear brother! Keep seeking and chanting! Christ has promised to reveal Himself in a powerful way to His disciples. Christ has promised to manifest Himself to those disciples who keep His commands (John 14:26). If a friend of Christ such as Parmahansa Yogananda can receive a visit from Lord Jesus, imagine us if we truly lived up to the name of “disciple!”
Lets follow hard after Christ- call on His Name night and day! Lets speed up His coming by our chanting (2 Peter 3:12). May the peace of Christ be with you dear brother!
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